How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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