I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there's paper in my vomit.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
