Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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