I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
