Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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