So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
