is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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