I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
