I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
