so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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