As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
