it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
