This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
