these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
