I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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