see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
