Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
