You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
