a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
