You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
