Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
