All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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