imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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