Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
