just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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