Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it because I queefed?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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