What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
