WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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