Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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