I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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