I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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