I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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