haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
