Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
