is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize