you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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