If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
