Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
