We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
