THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize