I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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