cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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