i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
