I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
