i jhust puked up my retainher.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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