So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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