he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
