Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
