It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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