did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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