sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
