You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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