you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
