I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize