you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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