Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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