I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
