I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she pinky promised me she was 18
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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