Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
