I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
