Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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