Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
