I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
